In this practice you will train to generate good-will towards yourself, others and all experience.
We are going to practice with a simple process:
Imagining the subject, to which we want to send loving-kindness to
Activate it, while genuinely meaning it
For this practice, I will use the phrase 'I wish you peace' while smiling
Generally, whatever method of activation is fine, as long as it's working for you
Immersing yourself in, experiencing, the loving-kindness. If you notice the loving-kindness subsiding, activate it again.
Practice
Transition in
Posture
Settle into your practice posture
Relax
Find pleasure in releasing, relaxing unnecessary tension within your body & mind
Letting go, become loose, soft
Use a half-smile with your lips & an inner smile with your eyes to facilitate the generation of good-will
Cultivate Loving-Kindness
Towards myself
'I wish myself peace' :)
Towards someone you like
'I wish 'Name' peace' :)
Towards someone neutral
'I wish 'Name' peace' :)
Towards someone you dislike
'I wish 'Name' peace' :)
Towards Everyone
'I wish the whole world peace' :)
Towards all experience
'I wish you peace' :)
Be loving-kindness
'wishing peace' :)
What is Loving-Kindness?
Loving-Kindness is the experience when genuinely wishing well. For some it comes natural, for some not. That is perfectly fine. We have the opportunity to cultivate, to strengthen our ability to be genuinely kind. Eventually feeling kindness towards ourselves, others and all life.
Benefits - Why?
pleasant experience
creating a powerful space, in which inner healing can happen
Facilitates purity of mind, which facilitates cultivating in concentration, clarity and conditioning
Be Careful
Patiently, Gently
Loving-kindness is facilitated by gentle, genuine intentions, repetition and time
Loving-kindness is not facilitated, rather hindered due to forcing it, desiring it to be stronger than it naturally is
Stay with the Intention & Loving-kindness, over the method of activation
Experiencing the intention of loving-kindness and loving-kindness itself is important, not the method of activation
Place your attention on the intention & loving-kindness rather than the activation-method
There is no need to force yourself to be kind
In my experience, kindness will eventually become attractive towards the practitioner and universally applicable to all beings.
Practice what feels comfortable for you.
Skip on wishing well for others, for experience, etc.
In the end, kindness is kindness. Even if only sending it to you, or another, it will eventually become universal. Like watering only area of roots, it will support the whole plant
Method of Activation
Is the method of activation important?
The method of activation is not important.
It is only a supporting tool, to access wishing someone well
Choose whatever method works for you
Important is the experiential contact with the good-will
Example
We may use phrases such as 'may you be happy' without having any experience of good-will, because no genuine wish was behind the phrase
We may use phrases such as 'i wish you ill' while having the experience of good-will, because we actually wish them well while saying it
What methods of activation are there? (Some examples)
Touch
One may hug one-self, or be hugged by someone else
One may hold one's hands, cuddle a stuffed toy
Smile
Creating a half-smile with your lips or a smile with your inner eyes
Intent
If available, simply wishing it
Visual
Mentally imagining or visualizing
A loving memory; A loving fantasy
Seeing in front you a act of kindness
Sound
Phrase
Everyone finds their resonating phrases.
'May you be happy/content/peace/at ease'
I personally like 'May I be okay', 'May I be safe'
Said by yourself, or listening to someone else
'Warming' Music
Q&R
I don't feel loving-kindness
For some loving-kindness comes easy, for some difficult, however everyone can cultivate it :)
Positive Approach when it is not easy
Explore different activation methods & choose the one that you like the most
Cultivate Patience, Gentleness, Forgiveness
We cannot 'will' or force it
Patiently, activate it, patiently observe, and repeat
During this process, you have the opportunity to cultivate universal virtues such as patience, gentleness, forgiveness. Even if loving-kindness may not appear initially, you are still doing wonderful practice
Why should I wish well for those I don't like?
Self-centered perspective
Wishing another well, like or dislike, causes a pleasant state of mind to you. It is simply more pleasant to be filled with kindness, than with indifference or ill-will.
Emotional dislike is a sign of internal conflict, which this practice helps to decondition.
Empathy
To be well is a universal wish.
Often, harm is done because one is not feeling well. Having empathy with their suffering, and wishing them well is a sign of understanding.
Can everyone become full of kindness?
Yes
Loving-kindness, as anything else, is simply a habit, meaning it is possible to condition or decondition it with repetition.
Similar to a muscle of your body.
Sometimes it is more difficult, sometimes easier.
It may be easy to have good-will towards a friend
It may be seem difficult or even impossible to have good-will towards a bad person. However, it is possible, as it is only repetition.
Similar to watering a plant, it will grow if you nurture it.
These are just names, describing an experience. They are not important.
Important is that the experience includes
genuineness
Without genuineness, actually desiring it, loving-kindness will not be cultivated
Desiring for the subject to be well
How Loving-Kindness helped me
Up till 2020, I experienced daily thoughts of criticism, harshness, ill-will towards my-self. After weeks of systematic practice in loving-kindness & sensory clarity this reduced to 5%, almost non-existent.
How did that happen?
Acknowledge the 'negative' thought
Deconstruct it
Mental Talk
Mental Image
Ill-Will
Information
Replacing Ill-Will with Good-Will while keeping the rest
Similar to replacing one ingredient with another in your meal
'Showing my mind' / Acknowledging the better version of the thought
The thought by itself, is fine and useful.
There is just no need for the ill-will.
It is a better option to have the same thought, with good-will
Repeat whenever a negative thought comes up
Everyone has their starting point & pace. This helped me. May it help you.
Intention
Clarity
Notice good-will or ill-will in your daily life
Notice the positive impact of good-will & negative impact of ill-will
This will make it obvious to your mind, and the mind will naturally lean towards good-will, and lean away from ill-will.
Your mind is smart, it just doesn't know. That's why you are there to show it.
Conditioning
Cultivate good-will to others&yourself whenever you want to
Counter-conditioning i.e., when ill-will arises you have the opportunity to cultivate the opposite - loving-kindness
Common Scenarios
Walking through the city, you have many subjects to cultivate your loving-kindness with
During a conversation e.g,. business meeting, reunion with friends
When you remember an agitating thought
Watching media in which you experience someone acting immorally e.g., insulting others, not supporting your view
Smile
Category
Level 1 - Non-Skilled
Level 2 - Skilled
Level 3 - Maturity
Objective - Why?
Enjoy the pleasure of Kindness
Learning to be kind -
to yourself & others
Clarity about state of Good-intent vs ill-intent
Facilitates Deconditioning
Basic Instruction - How?
Cause Loving-Kindness
Observe Loving-Kindness
Re-Cause Loving-Kindness
Repeat
Attention Method
Alternate between Cause & Effect
Focus Range
Initially focus on the Cause
Anything that activates loving-kindness e.g., phrases, visualizations, Intentions, Touch, etc.
Once Loving-Kindness is present, observe it within body & mind
Consider
Accept & Do not force the intensity of loving-kindness. Activate it gently, and be patient.
Observing the loving-kindness, rather than the trigger
Loving-kindness is a training, hence it is okay to have none or difficulties initially
Extra
/
☺️
Essence
Unaware of the possibility to activate or change one's personality towards kindness, hence being a prisoner of one's ill-will
Ability to activate loving-kindness in most cases, but not for all or anytime.
Noticing change towards more kindness from within
Ability to experience loving awareness - anyone and any experience can receive loving-kindness from you.
Personality changed towards 100% loving, no trace of ill-will.
Elaboration
Clarity
Unclear about whether one is experiencing good-intent or ill-intent
Conditioning
As it is, depending on your personality
Difficult or impossible to have good-will for one-self, friends, 'bad' persona
Unable to activate good-intent
Clarity
Clear about presence of good-intent and ill-intent
Conditioning
Able to notice a change of your nature towards more kindness
Ability to activate good-intent for most beings
Clarity
Clear about presence of good-intent and ill-intent
Conditioning
Good-intent comes easy & naturally
Ability to activate good-intent for anyone and any experience - 'loving awareness'
Example
Disagreeing with someone and ill-will arises.
One experiences ill-will & possibly act upon it
Becoming clear about the presence of ill-will. Possibility to activate good-will.
Not experiencing any kind of ill-will.
Ability to activate good-will anytime, anywhere.
Good-will may arise naturally